Can't Today.

Everyone, who has a horse, can understand the guilt
and regret
that goes along with having to skip a day of riding.
It's not that I don't have the desire to ride... it's because I can't ride today.
And I still feel badly about it.
My poor horse.
No one to brush him today.
No one to exercise him today.
There are many reasons for missing a day:
Sick, tired, stressed, no time, too hot outside, too cold outside, cramps, homework to do, test to study for,  vacation, weekend getaway, deadline to meet, wedding, birthday party...
Endless excuses.
Today, my excuse is that I'm too exhausted to do my horse any good.
If I rode tonight, then it would only make something worse.
Besides!
I am a firm believer that if you give a horse one day of rest during the week, then the horse will perform better overall.
It's true.
They have done studies.
But will my horse forgive me tomorrow?
I can see it in his huge, shiny brown eyes... "Where were you yesterday?"
Sigh.
I miss riding him.
Even if it's just been one day.
When I ride him, it's like the whole world is pure and good.
The ground I walk on becomes a haven.
Safe from hurt
and brokenness.
Safe from self-inflicted oppression
and stress.
Safe from my own shortcomings.
Safe from inconsistency.
Just riding.
Just focusing on this.
Nothing else.
Nothing in the world can harm me when I'm riding.
Except for maybe a little sunburn....
Anyway, maybe my horse doesn't notice if I miss a day of riding...
But the innermost part of my essence thinks he really does.

Galloping Day

My sense of euphoria.
My interpretation of complete liberty.
My obsession.
It's kind of like letting your hair down and taking your make-up off.
It's like driving with the windows down, singing at the top of your lungs. 
It's like getting pulled-over by a police car for the first time.
It's like having an intimate conversation with your crush.
It's like running through the rain and mud with lightning flashing all around you.
 It's like letting go of childhood pain and moving forward with forgiveness.
Uninhibited.
Freeing.
Terrifying.
Enrapturing.
Frightening.
Releasing...
There is a moment,
while my thoroughbred is cantering,
that I decide
to let go,
to allow my horse to run without any restrictions.
Initially, there is an adrenaline rush, elevating through my veins and draining out the pours of my skin.
Hooves drumming beneath me.
Deafening wind blasting past my ears.
Then, I wonder, will I be able to bring him down?
My arms pull.
My heels sink deep.
My speed is unimpressed.
I continue fatalistically galloping, deciding to at least savor my demise.
Promptly approaching the end of the grassy pathway,
I try once more to shorten our stride.
I stand up, lean back, and I pull with every trace of muscle I possess.
He reluctantly slows to a walk.
Then we turn around,
walk back,
and do it again...

Unfeigned Fear

Last night,
I walked down to the barn at about 10:30 P.M.
The barn contained about thirty horses, three kittens, and me.
I reached for the light switch, and my hand returned with dusty cobwebs.
I tacked up my horse,
walked out to the indoor arena,
switched on the lights,
and mounted.
As we were serenely walking along, suddenly,
a bat starts flying above our heads!
My first thought was that it was going to turn into Edward Cullen....
Mmmhmm....
My second thought involved a bloody scene around my jugular.
The brown bat whirled and spiralled around us.
I tried to pretend that I was undisturbed.
My horse's walk soon turned into a prance. 
He could smell my fear.
I refocused on my horse's gate,
while periodically peering over at the revolving bat.
Eventually, the bat went back to it's cave...
wherever that might have been...
and I continued my ride.
(Not without trying to avoid that corner of the arena.)
There is always the possibility of running into another one of God's creations when I ride. 
It could be a coyote, a turtle, a cow, a turkey, a stray dog, a bunny, or a bat...
My horse especially is afraid of squirrels....  I know, right?
This facet of forest creature encounters is not present in all sports.
But one factor does exist in every sport:
Fear.
Last night it came in the form of a bat...
Or was it in the form of my thoughts?
Or in the absence of my courage?
Whatever the case might have been,
I am sort of really sad he didn't turn into Edward.

Having Withdrawals?

Addicted.
I am addicted to riding.
If I am without it for even a day,
I start having withdrawals.
I get anxious
jittery
flustered
distracted
and emotional.
I will say, I am emotional most times.
Let's say the severity of my emotions accelerate.  
I am not even aware of the symptoms and why they are happening.
Returning to the magnificent aroma of the stables.
Returning to the presence of my best friend.
Returning my hand to the forehead of my horse. 
Returning to the saddle.
It's like a drug.
Suddenly the evidence of my withdrawal dissipates.  
Oh how I missed you!
My fuzzy friend who will never judge me
who will never disappoint me
never get angry with me
who will never break my heart
who will always forgive me
who will always be there for me when I need a warm body to cry with.
No matter how much fun I had on vacation,
Nothing compares to the unmitigated bliss
 of wrapping my arms around the neck of the this beautiful athlete...
And life-long friend. 

In the beginning...

Oh my goodness.

I do not like teaching beginners how to ride.

Don’t misunderstand me... I admire their effort.

And it can be very rewarding at times….

I just was not gifted in the vicinity of teaching beginners.... 

ESPECIALLY, when it comes to helpless beginners.

Helpless beginners are helpless.

(I know, so profound.)

They constantly blame the horse for not doing this or that.

These helpless riders accuse the horse of being stubborn or stupid.

When, in fact!! It is the rider’s ignorance and lack of effort that is the cause of the horse’s unwanted behavior.

So. Incredibly. Frustrating.

This is a valuable lesson that my mother ingrained into my mind ever since I began my career in riding: It’s always rider error.

If your horse is not turning,

If your horse is not bending,

If your horse is not going forward,

If your horse is not stopping…

It is absolutely

100%

always

the rider’s fault.

It’s like riding a bike for the first time and figuring out how to maneuver and break…. No one blames the bike for not stopping or turning.

I had to vent.

My apologies.

Discrepancy... and then some.

Blog.

Not something I ever thought I would do…

Until it was imposed on me to create one.

Secretly I have always wanted to do this.

I like to write.

I unquestionably do not have the required attention span to write a novel.

Probably not even an adequate amount of attention to write a short story.

But a blog I think I can do

My computer does not even think that blog is a word….

keeps underlining it in squiggly red.

Horses.

This is my passion. 

Cute little tidbit: it’s the second most dangerous sport next to motocross.

I jump over trees and skyscrapers and run through treacherous waters!  

Oh yes.

Okay, slight hyperbole.

To those who enjoy horses….

From afar…

or from their warm, hairy withers.... 

This is for you.

Tomorrow morning I'm going to attempt to wake up early to ride.

I’ll letcha know how it goes…